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    • Mar 26, 2021
    • 11 min read

Facing the "Othering" engrained in the fabric of our society (Essay #3)

Updated: May 9, 2021

"They" are uncivilized. "They" should do things the right way. If only "they" would... "They" are trying to change "us." "They" are lazy. "They" should pick themselves up by their bootstraps and work hard like me. "They" shouldn't expect help. "They" should learn English. "They" shouldn't be here. "They" don't deserve help. "They" shouldn't come to "our" country and expect... "They" need to assimilate/act more like my "norm" before I'll consider treating them as equal. "They" aren't good people like us. "They" are getting handouts. "They" are creating a slippery slope. "They" don't understand us.


The definition of "they" has changed over the past few centuries in the United States, but the narrative of 'the other' being the problem proliferates throughout our history, and is, of course, false. Looking back on it, it can seem ridiculous and horrifying when we come to terms with just how it created deadly, oppressive and murderous trends over time. The beliefs and the truth are not unilateral or binary, but complex and steeped in white supremacy and propaganda aimed to skew beliefs in a white centric worldview (please bear with me a bit longer if this sentence triggers you). And to be clear, it does not mean that the dominant caste has never been harmed by any member of the oppressed. The truth is more complex and multifaceted and history is often skewed towards a dominant worldview, because it is those in power who often control the narrative. The truth is that there is no "they." We are all unified in our humanness and "othering" undermines that in very harmful ways.


Some historical examples of othering, propaganda and beliefs rounded out with alternate perspectives:

The above list is horrific and, yet, an incomplete accounting, and each line could be a book on its own. The reality is that there is truly no end to the list as a new focus for the "othering" will always be found if we can't find a way to put an end to it. And the striking part of it is that in all cases the perceived "threat" was never what it was made out to be and the people who were overwhelmingly harmed, were, in fact, the other, not the people who lived in fear of "the other." It is fear and dehumanizing that causes the harm, not the existence of human beings that look or act different from the majority.


The point of all of this is not to shame, but to allow us to take collective accountability, face past mistakes and redefine assumptions and beliefs. Even if you as an individual or your ancestors didn't get caught up in this, the reality is that these falsehoods and beliefs still permeate through the present in our social circles, our academic teachings, our capitalistic structures, our justice systems and has profound impacts on everyone who continues to be othered or impacted financially or societally by the othering of their ancestors. The target may evolve over time, and the severity ranges from the overt to the subtle and unseen, but the problem has yet to go away in the entire history of our country.


Why does this happen? Some common threads often include:

  • Dehumanizing of people through language and propaganda. Dr Michell Maise defines dehumanization as "the psychological process of demonizing the enemy, making them less than human and hence not worthy of humane treatment. Dehumanization also starts with creating an 'enemy image'"

  • Fear of Change can seem more terrifying than maintaining the status quo and societies have often gone to great lengths and expense to avoid facing the unknown. In reality, investing these resources into building the future rather than protecting a past, can pay dividends generations into the future whether the investment is in infrastructure or social programs that can have a pay off

  • Moral superiority - From this article in Scientific American: "While we generally cast ourselves in a positive light relative to our peers, above all else we believe that we are more just, more trustworthy, more moral than others. This self-righteousness can be destructive because it reduces our willingness to cooperate or compromise, creates distance between ourselves and others, and can lead to intolerance or even violence. Feelings of moral superiority may play a role in political discord, social conflict, and even terrorism."

  • Perceived Risk versus Actual risk - causes us to overreact to things that are unique and statistically not particularly risky and under-react to longer term or systemic risks. Recency bias, unfamiliarity and time are all factors. This article outlines trends in this space well.

  • Fear of Vulnerability - vulnerability to people can feel unsafe and putting themselves in an place of openness, willingness to be wrong, willingness to face the unknown and/or their mistakes can be terrifying if it's not inherent in your family, friend or work dynamics. Vulnerability is actually quite courageous and being vulnerable is an asset to both individuals and the collective

  • Win/lose mentality believes that if one is 'on top' than others must be 'beneath'. The fight to be on top can create a myopic worldview that is about pushing others down and excludes the possibility that all ships rise with the tide.

  • People who control wealth and/or power benefit from to upholding of current structures and for some, keeping the focus on others is a classic distraction tactic that prevents people from seeing what you are afraid of them seeing in you and avoiding accountability

  • You can't change what you can't see and it's hard to have empathy for someone you don't know or understand. Denial of American racism still exists with a significant number of people are still not exposed to people different from themselves and/or not open to the possibility that other people's experiences are indeed as real as they say they are.

The interesting thing is that the truth is often divergent from most people's beliefs. Beliefs can get in the way of changing any of this paradigm. Examples include:

  • People believe a lot of things about themselves that aren't true. What they say they do and what they actually do are often quite divergent. This article in The Atlantic does a nice deep dive. Here is an excerpt: "people consistently overestimate their intelligence, a pattern that seems to be more pronounced among men than women. It’s also why people overestimate their generosity: It’s a desirable trait. And it’s why people fall victim to my new favorite bias: the I’m-not-biased bias, where people tend to believe they have fewer biases than the average American. But you can’t judge whether you’re biased, because when it comes to yourself, you’re the most biased judge of all. And the more objective people think they are, the more they discriminate, because they don’t realize how vulnerable they are to bias." One of my favorite examples: 80% of drivers believe they are 'above average' which is, of course, statistically impossible since only 49% can actually be above average.

  • X happened to me and "I turned out fine" with the implication that it's fine if others are subject to physical punishment, experience violence, dehumanizing or whatever wounds you experience. The truth is that if you feel it's OK to hurt others in the same ways you have been hurt, you are not fine. When one is wounded it can seem easier to hurt others than to work up the courage to confront your pain.

  • The Illusory truth effect is when people hear untruths frequently enough that they eventually believe them to be true. Social media is one arena that exponentially amplifies our echo chambers, as shown in this MIT study, enabling us to see the same (mis)information with alarming frequency, which enhances our beliefs, even when they are not true.

  • The norm of respect and loyalty over authenticity, accountability, truth and vulnerability enables avoidance of the hard discussions. Sometimes this is based simply in a lack of skill or fear of not knowing the right way to approach things, but regardless of the reason, avoiding things don't make them go away. They simply fester.

  • A belief of one's identity can create the need to keep others in their place in order to uphold both the status quo and the beliefs that one has about themself, even if they diverge from truth. When your beliefs about your identity change, your belief about yourself is subject to change. While for those with a growth oriented mindset, that is not an issue, for those who believe their identity to be fixed, that can be perceived as a threat

  • A belief that the history they have been taught is factual and complete. The truth is, much is left to be desired in what the takeaways are. American History has been largely captured and told by white people. In most areas of the country, it has not been told from the perspective of the "other" but from the dominant caste with most textbooks and assigned readings being authored by those in privilege and/or power. There is a long history of deliberate work to ensure the inaccurate glorifying of certain perspectives to the exclusion of others

We often vastly underestimate the danger that "othering" creates. Othering is often grounded in a belief in a reality that doesn't exist the way one thinks it does. That mis-estimation is often especially acute when the 'we' is privileged, and/or benefits from social constructs and/or holds societal power and/or wealth. It can be as small as the person who is different being excluded from conversation when they walk into a room, and, left unchecked, can create ripples and a multiplier effect that snowballs over decades and generations into trauma, systemic exclusion, systemic racism, poverty, wars, systemic oppression, and even genocide. No matter how much we try to be inclusive and understanding, we can all check ourselves when othering or dehumanizing thoughts or language surfaces no matter who it targets. Modeling the changes needed is only one of many steps needed in order to change the trajectory of our collective futures in a positive way.


If you've made it this far, then you are likely among the vast number of people who sees a diverse and inclusive world good thing, and that you're someone who sees hate and fear filled divisiveness taking us nowhere good throughout history. If the idea of all of some or all of "the others" in your world is a scary one, then it's time to reflect on that, and reflect on the fact that the plot of land that is occupied by our nation was taken from one of the "others." If we could pour even a fraction the energy that goes into othering, vilifying, avoiding truth, shutting doors, putting up barriers and excluding into collective efforts to recognize humanity, create understanding, be inclusive, create opportunity and letting go of the need for power and control, then the positive impact on millions of lives, on the collective economy, the environment and the ability to enable people to live their best lives is both concrete and measurable and exponentially beyond measurement.


Most humans believe in something greater than themselves, want to leave the world a better place for their children, want to live their lives with some semblance of freedom and autonomy, believe themselves to be good people, do kind things, want safety for themselves and their loved ones, want to be heard and valued as a human, and want to leave a positive legacy. Focusing on taking accountability for harm done to others and on building off of what unites us as human beings is the only way forward. If you ever find yourself hearing, thinking or saying a sentence that starts with "they", there is no time better than the present to confront the vast implications of the seemingly tiny word. They is us and we are all humans together.


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